Saturday, May 18, 2013

Repentant or Reprobate? (Part One)

My Christian friend from a southern state sat there at the pizza buffet and relayed the story of his former pastor from years gone by.  The pastor had been involved in an improper relationship with a teenage girl, but nobody had found him out.  A few years later, the now adult girl brought these things to light.  To make a long story short, my friend's pastor eventually resigned that church and shortly picked up in another pastorate hundreds of miles away.

In trying to make sense of the way the pastor handled the situation before resigning, my friend said, "He seemed more sorry that he got caught."  In other words, the pastor did not seem truly repentant to my friend, although he did seem so to the church as a whole.

Another Christian friend tells the story of a man in a prior church having an affair with his wife's best friend, who then gave birth to his baby.  Repentance was expressed verbally, but then the man was shunned by most of the church.  My friend believed the pair were truly repentant, although the church as a whole did not.  Then it came to light that their affair continued even after it was found out.

In these two examples, some believed the offenders were repentant and some did not.

These two examples and a recent situation of my own have me asking the question: What criteria do we use to determine whether a brother (or sister) who has been "overtaken in a fault" (Galatians 6:1) is repentant or not?  When do we draw the line?  How long do we keep them at arm's length, or when do we cut them off completely, or when do we embrace them back into fellowship?  What are we looking to see in them, or not see, in order to make the determination?

As in all things, our answer has to come from applying the Word of God to the situation at hand.

One verse comes immediately to mind regarding the first situation above, the pastor who was exposed in a wrong relationship with a teen girl.  "For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death" - II Corinthians 7:10.

We see in this verse that there are two kinds of sorrow: "godly sorrow" (or literally "sorrow in accord with God") and "the sorrow of the world."  Godly sorrow is that which produces "repentance" - a literal change of mind.  This changed mind now agrees with God about the horrible nature of sin (in general or in particular), about one's guilt, about the just consequences of sin, and about the steps necessary to make things right.  We see this godly sorrow in Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10), Saul of Tarsus (Paul; Acts 9; I Timothy 1:15), King David (II Samuel 12; Psalm 51) and others throughout the scripture.

The sorrow of the world, on the other hand, is sorrow that one got caught, denial of the justness of sin's consequences, and no commitment to change.

Now in the first case, my friend stated that his pastor "seemed like he was more sorry he got caught."  I will stop right there and say that we should be VERY hesitant to think we know what someone is feeling - to judge their inner thoughts, assume their motivations and so forth. We cannot base our acceptance of someone's repentance on what we think they are thinking.

We are WAY too quick to look at how someone carries their self or their countenance and to think we know what is going on inside. People don't wear sackcloth and ashes anymore, and they don't have to walk around stoop shouldered and sour mouthed for a "grieving period" after they repent. To judge repentance based on how somebody seems in their appearance or demeanor is foolish. If they have confessed to God and secured cleansing, which takes place instantly and in secret, they ought to be joyful from that moment on. But some people will see the smile of the forgiven, or the hopefulness of the one who is back on track and moving forward, and they will make a false judgement that the brother is not repentant. How utterly foolish.

We need to be careful. And I am speaking as one who has been on both sides of that problem.  But I will talk more about that when we discuss my own recent experience.

So apart from how the pastor "seemed" in his demeanor and appearance, there has to be a more objective and biblical set of criteria to figure out if he has godly sorrow (of true repentance) or worldly sorrow. Let's look at it more closely, putting aside our subjective assessment of "how he acts" and sticking with facts of what he actually says or does.

The following can apply to any situation, and we will apply it to this one.

1) How long did it take him to admit wrongdoing? As soon as he was confronted? Or only after the evidence was presented? Or only after some threat, like public exposure or legal action? Or still not even then? In my friend's pastor's case, he fessed up right away upon being confronted. So he gets a passing grade there. Of course it would have been better for him to have dealt with his sin years earlier when it happened, but he took the David route and admitted it when told "Thou art the man."

2) Did he come completely clean or only admit what could be proven? In the case at hand, as far as anybody else knows, he fessed up entirely. So far there is not enough to indict him for being unrepentant.

3) Did he accept the consequences of his actions? There are consequences for sin. The biggest factor in determining repentance is how the erring brother views the consequences. Remember that repentance means a change of mind to agree with God. Does he agree with God not only about the wrongness of his sin, but does he also agree with God's judgment on his sin?  Zacchaeus agreed with God's law about his theft and he gladly made restitution according to the law.  David agreed with God taking his infant son and he went and worshipped after God took the child.  These men had their minds changed by godly sorrow that worked repentance.

Unfortunately there were people on the biblical scene then who were more concerned with appearances. David's servants questioned him when he arose and washed. "Shouldn't he be mourning?"  The crowd around Zacchaeus' house no doubt also had its naysayers when old Zach made his confession. "He didn't seem sincere!"  We are so prone to this! We need to stick with facts, not "seem so" evidence.

In the case at hand, the consequences are clear. The pastor is no longer "blameless" in his marriage and no longer has "a good testimony to them who are without" (unsaved world). He is disqualified from pastoring... in my opinion, ever again. You might argue the "ever" but you can agree that right then he was not qualified. (There had been no state or federal laws broken - the improper relationship didn't cross that line, so there were no legal consequences).

What did the man do? At first he had the church vote whether he should resign. They voted to keep him (not a shock in some types of churches, unfortunately). Later he finally did resign and went to be the pastor of another church. Now we are no longer talking about "how he seemed" but about what he did. And what he did was to NOT accept the proper consequences of his sin, which would have been removal from vocational ministry, at least for a time if not permanantly.

In the first example case, I conclude that the pastor was not repentant, the church wrongly believed he was repentant, and my friend was right about him but based on the wrong evidence: how the man "seemed."  In other words, nobody was fully right in this situation.

Now let's apply these same questions of factual evidence to the second situation, the one with the baby involved.

1) How long did it take to admit wrongdoing?  In the second case, it was only after there was proof of wrongdoing that could not be denied.  I understand the baby was the spit and image of his illegitimate father and looked nothing like his mother's husband, and that's finally when the jig was up.  Not when she became pregnant; not when the baby was born; not when there were a few rumors; only when it was very clear and undeniable.  Strike one on the repentant meter.

2) Did he come completely clean?  No.  A vague church announcement was made about each of the families involved, almost as if there were two separate and unconnected situations.  This was a public sin but there was no public confession.  Strike two for him, but this was how the church leaders chose to handle it.

3) Did he accept the consequences?  No.  He continued secretly in sin after claiming repentance, and made the consequences even worse, eventually splitting up two marriages where the scorned spouses had been initially willing to reconcile.  Strike three.  But again the church bears some blame for not setting up some kind of accountability.

In this case I conclude the man was unrepentant, the church was right about him but jumped to that conclusion sooner than the facts warranted, and my friend was wrong about the man.  So just as in the first example, nobody was fully correct.

In two example cases we have seen unrepentant men judged incorrectly by those Christians around them.  Doesn't it make you also wonder how many times brothers and sisters are likewise misjudged when they are truly repentant? If the reprobate is misjudged and continues in fellowship, how often is the repentant also misunderstood and shunned by those who should be helping to restore him?  It happens more often than we would prefer to admit.

In a future post, I hope to explore some biblical solutions and preventions for both of these problems.  I will also offer up some related lessons I would like to learn from a situation I went through last year.

Repentant?  Or reprobate?  Restore the brother or reject him?  Be careful to make the right choice.  We are dealing with people's lives and hearts and families.  We are dealing with people for whom Jesus died.

VM

PS - If you may be aware of one of the examples I gave and think I got some details wrong, remember that I know lots of people with lots of stories and I may not be talking about the one you're thinking about.  That being said, I have been working on this series of posts for almost a year so I could have mixed up minor details, for which I apologize if so.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Tonsillitis, et cetera

Here are some various updates in our lives recently.

First, I think I have tonsillitis.  I have had painful swallowing since about Tuesday evening or so.  It doesn't feel like strep, and I am an expert on how strep feels.  I have no fever or other symptoms.  So I am going to have to put my doctor search in high gear here in this strange city.  Pray, watch for an update here, and send me your favorite ice cream tonsillectomy recovery recipes.

This past Wednesday night we joined the membership of Old Paths Baptist Church.  Our pastor is Edward R. Mast, a forceful and practical Bible expositor.  We love him and his family, along with all the others at OPBC.  The church is experiencing a growth phase lately, both numerically and spiritually.  We are praying for God to put our family to work fruitfully in this body.

We have received several answers to prayer lately, and quite soon after praying.  It is like God is showing us He still answers prayer and He still loves to work in our lives.

For example, I finally decided to go to the doctor about the odd lump on my head, because it started getting painful.  So I began praying about it one night and when I woke up in the morning it had popped like a blister and drained.  This is after 15 months of it just sitting there like a bump on a log...literally in my case, my skull being the hollow or rotten log!  The bump later came up again, filling with more fluid, but at least now I know it is just fluid and not something worse.  Don't worry, I will still show it to the doctor.  I am just overwhelmed with God's care, calming my concern about this immediately after I prayed.

Our lawn mowing solution wasn't getting the job done on our yard's steep hills.  I tried an old fashioned non-power push/reel mower because it was very light weight.  But the ground is too uneven for that.  I spent all evening Monday and Tuesday trying to get the grass cut, but just frustrating myself.  These hills are steeper than they look.  They are the steepest hills I have ever tried to mow, and I spent many summers of my youth pushing a mower around the neighborhood for cash.  The neighbors here told me they wear football cleats to mow the hill.  It is so difficult, I prayed that there was a better way than anything we thought up.

So I went to church Wednesday night prepared to ask a prayer request for God to show us a better solution.  We had considered several options, such as just planting flowers (expensive!) and even a hovercraft mower.  Yes, they really make such a thing; wouldn't that be cool?  Anyway, as soon as I walked in the church door, before I  said anything about mowing, the pastor offered me a walk behind, self propelled mower for free.  It is a four cycle engine with a pressurized pump oil filter designed to run smoothly on hills without losing oil pressure.  It is exactly the solution we needed but didn't know existed.  The self propel removes the weight problem and the engine style removes all other problems.  God answered this prayer before we got around to much asking!

In other news, I have to apply for a federal security clearance for a certain function of my new job.  If you are a relative or if I have known you more than seven years and we still keep in touch (all two of you), you might expect a call from the FBI.  I apologize in advance for the hassle.

Please don't tell them about that one time when we were 14 and we pulled all that crazy stuff that night at that secret meeting (so called "meeting" anyway) over by your cousin's house.  That all started out as your idea in the first place, and your goofball cousin too.  So I don't know why you keep bringing it up like it was all my fault.  Anyway, those guys from that secret meeting (so-called "meeting" anyway) probably forgot about us by now and aren't still looking for us (I hope!).  And I've said it before: Dude, I am sorry about your aunt's Corvette.  Yes that was a sweet ride, but after all, she still won the court case since those guys from the meeting (so called "meeting" anyway) didn't show up to the hearing.  So just play it cool when the FBI calls.

Seriously, if they call just tell them what you know.  That I am an exceedingly wicked sinner, saved by the grace of God, and trying to die to Christ daily and yield up to Him all my rascal ways.  I know you could tell more than that.  Probably a lot more.  A lot more could be told about all of us, and it will certainly all be told in That Day.  But today, what else really matters more than that?

VM