My Selection for a Cabinet Position

I would like to address the swirling rumors regarding my selection for a Cabinet position.

Let me first say that the public input regarding my selection is unwarranted.  This type of selection process is supposed to be a private affair until a decision is made and announced publicly.  However, because of the public interest, I will make a statement.

I received a call from media personality Joe Don Bristlethwait about this and I will tell you what I told him.

(At this point I should indicate to my patient readers that Joe Don Bristlethwait is not a real name.  It is not a psuedonym for a real person, either.  It is not a real person.  And I did not receive a real call.  I am just fulfilling a life-long ambition of using the name Joe Don Bristlethwait for a character I created, due to the unique misfortune and understood backstory that would accompany any fictitious character burdened with such a monker.  First of all, we would understand that the man had ridiculously incompetent parents, who, even though living in the South for all their lives, could not come up with a proper Southern two-name appellation for their son, like Billy-Bob or Bobby-James.  Secondly, we could surmise that Joe Don was mercilessly picked on by school bullies who imagined cleverly taunting rhymes for "Bristlethwait."  Finally, we would probably assume that this man had taken to using his initials whenever possible, stamping JDB for his signature, JDB imprinted on his leather belt, and possibly even on his wallet and leather wrist-cuffs.  All these things would be instinctively known by the seasoned reader of fiction when first running across the name Joe Don Bristlethwait in print.  They would not have to be explained in detail, as I have done here for the benefit of those who read more non-fiction blogs than the fiction in the news media.  So you can see my reason for long desiring to use the name.)

So here is what I (did not) repl(y)ied to JDB when he (did not) call(ed).

"My selection for a Cabinet position would be under the kitchen counter, where it will do the most good.  Some people choose the "under & over" position to double their Cabinet space, but that would not be my preference - although it would be acceptable if the Cabinets were already installed.  Or if you're asking about a bathroom Cabinet, it should be positioned directly over the sink, preferably with a mirror on the door.  This would be my selection for a Cabinet position."

I will let my statement speak for itself and I will not answer any more questions on the subject at this juncture.  Thank you all.

VM