This week I heard the news of the apparent suicide of a man who was somewhat known, or at least known of, among fundamental and conservative Christians. His death was over a year ago, but I just heard.
I got to thinking about suicide victims I have known of. Yes, I used the word "victim." I will be the last person to succumb to the "cult of vicimization" in our society today; the last man to call a living person a victim or encourage someone to view themselves a victim. But in the case of a suicide I believe the term is warranted, and I don't need to expand on that here, as it is not the point of this post.
Of the suicide victims I am aware of, it seems their life's legacy is defined by how they died. We remember them as the suicide, not as the person who did so many wonderful things in their lifetime. For example, the man I just learned of overcame serious emotional troubles for years to minister to others and bring them godly joy. He wrote several Christian songs I enjoy. But he will be most remembered for his suicide.
What other form of death do we remember this way? Heart attack or stroke victims aren't memorialized in our memories by their sudden death, but by the events of their life. Even with murder or tragic accident victims, though their death is prominent in our minds when we think of them, it is contrasted with their vibrant lives: "She was so full of life." "He was so gentle and didn't deserve to die that way."
Not so with suicide. Certainly this thinking isn't overt. Their funeral service doesn't focus on their suicide. Nor does much of the public conversation around that event. But it is always in our minds first and foremost when we remember them, for the rest of our lives. In our thoughts, their memory never rises above the level of the suicide.
This ought not to be the case, but I believe it is a symptom of the corrupt minds we have as members of a fallen race.
I am thinking of a pastor whom God used to build a large evangelistic church in the midwest that is still going strong many decades later. This church saturated their region with dozens of church plants that are still going strong. This church trained and sent out possibly hundreds of pastors and missionaries and Christian workers on every level. Additionally this pastor was instrumental in greatly encouraging other pastors around the country and even the world, leading a charge of faithfulness that is still reverberating today.
Ten years or so after resigning and repenting of a moral lapse (which was somewhat romantic but non-physical), this grief-stricken man took the sad shortcut to eternity.
Among those who once sat under his ministry, his name is now the unmentionable name. Among those who even today are reaping the fruits he sowed decades ago, his legacy is swept under the rug. It could be due to the moral failings, but I believe it is more due to the suicide. His legacy seemed slightly tarnished for ten years, but only fully shoved into the closet after his final moral lapse when he pulled the trigger.
Why is a suicide victim's memory overshadowed by their death? As I said, I believe it is due to our fallen nature. We more easily recall the negative, and naturally focus on the negative, than on the positive.
I believe the same thing happens when a relationship ends among the living. People happily married for years, who end up divorcing, tend to remember their spouse as the sorry individual they divorced rather than the wonderful person they enjoyed for so long. Friends who part on bad terms remember not the love that once united them but the issue that divided them. People who leave a church focus on they ways they believe they were hurt, rather than the eternally mattering things in which they were helped. A former pastor is remembered as "that guy who did..." rather than that man God used to win souls, restore and strengthen marriages and families and change many lives for the better.
I am not excusing divorce, division or the immorality or pride leading up to any of these things, any more than I am excusing suicide. I am just saying that the individuals involved in any of these are so much more than the single event (or series of related events) that wrongly comes to define them. They are complex people with many victories, defeats and draws in their own life's battles. They are people no more wicked and no more righteous than any other, apart from Christ. They are people who CAN be remembered and cherished for their victories, even if their defeats are more prominent and recent in our minds. We can celebrate their "life" without focusing on the manner of their "death."
This is part of overcoming the world. This is part of rejecting worldly lusts. This is part of renewing our minds. This is part of being thankful.
Be thankful for those wonderful people that once mattered so much in your life, even if they no longer do.
VM
I got to thinking about suicide victims I have known of. Yes, I used the word "victim." I will be the last person to succumb to the "cult of vicimization" in our society today; the last man to call a living person a victim or encourage someone to view themselves a victim. But in the case of a suicide I believe the term is warranted, and I don't need to expand on that here, as it is not the point of this post.
Of the suicide victims I am aware of, it seems their life's legacy is defined by how they died. We remember them as the suicide, not as the person who did so many wonderful things in their lifetime. For example, the man I just learned of overcame serious emotional troubles for years to minister to others and bring them godly joy. He wrote several Christian songs I enjoy. But he will be most remembered for his suicide.
What other form of death do we remember this way? Heart attack or stroke victims aren't memorialized in our memories by their sudden death, but by the events of their life. Even with murder or tragic accident victims, though their death is prominent in our minds when we think of them, it is contrasted with their vibrant lives: "She was so full of life." "He was so gentle and didn't deserve to die that way."
Not so with suicide. Certainly this thinking isn't overt. Their funeral service doesn't focus on their suicide. Nor does much of the public conversation around that event. But it is always in our minds first and foremost when we remember them, for the rest of our lives. In our thoughts, their memory never rises above the level of the suicide.
This ought not to be the case, but I believe it is a symptom of the corrupt minds we have as members of a fallen race.
I am thinking of a pastor whom God used to build a large evangelistic church in the midwest that is still going strong many decades later. This church saturated their region with dozens of church plants that are still going strong. This church trained and sent out possibly hundreds of pastors and missionaries and Christian workers on every level. Additionally this pastor was instrumental in greatly encouraging other pastors around the country and even the world, leading a charge of faithfulness that is still reverberating today.
Ten years or so after resigning and repenting of a moral lapse (which was somewhat romantic but non-physical), this grief-stricken man took the sad shortcut to eternity.
Among those who once sat under his ministry, his name is now the unmentionable name. Among those who even today are reaping the fruits he sowed decades ago, his legacy is swept under the rug. It could be due to the moral failings, but I believe it is more due to the suicide. His legacy seemed slightly tarnished for ten years, but only fully shoved into the closet after his final moral lapse when he pulled the trigger.
Why is a suicide victim's memory overshadowed by their death? As I said, I believe it is due to our fallen nature. We more easily recall the negative, and naturally focus on the negative, than on the positive.
I believe the same thing happens when a relationship ends among the living. People happily married for years, who end up divorcing, tend to remember their spouse as the sorry individual they divorced rather than the wonderful person they enjoyed for so long. Friends who part on bad terms remember not the love that once united them but the issue that divided them. People who leave a church focus on they ways they believe they were hurt, rather than the eternally mattering things in which they were helped. A former pastor is remembered as "that guy who did..." rather than that man God used to win souls, restore and strengthen marriages and families and change many lives for the better.
I am not excusing divorce, division or the immorality or pride leading up to any of these things, any more than I am excusing suicide. I am just saying that the individuals involved in any of these are so much more than the single event (or series of related events) that wrongly comes to define them. They are complex people with many victories, defeats and draws in their own life's battles. They are people no more wicked and no more righteous than any other, apart from Christ. They are people who CAN be remembered and cherished for their victories, even if their defeats are more prominent and recent in our minds. We can celebrate their "life" without focusing on the manner of their "death."
This is part of overcoming the world. This is part of rejecting worldly lusts. This is part of renewing our minds. This is part of being thankful.
Be thankful for those wonderful people that once mattered so much in your life, even if they no longer do.
VM
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